Do Your Part No Matter What

sunset-kiss stk xchgIt is a lot easier to be a loving, responsive spouse when you feel confident your partner is doing her part. You’ll find it a relative breeze to work together, talk intimately and live life as equals when your perception is he’s doing what he ought to be doing.

But your husband doesn’t always do his part. Your wife doesn’t always talk or behave as she should. Because we all are imperfect, tired, hungry, lonely, put out or fed up, we don’t always do what we know would be the best thing (or even a good thing) to do.Continue reading

Rekindling the Romance in Your Relationship

white roses stkxchgYou meet. You date. You have a vivid sense that no other couple has ever experienced what the two of you have created together. You feel so alive, so on fire for each other. Fast-forward a year or two or five or fifteen and the situation seems so different. Something appears to be missing. Now it’s hard to imagine that you were once that couple who felt so in love.

Where is that sense of romance that once enveloped you?Continue reading

Pointing Fingers

finger pointing stkxchgAs a therapist I’m often waiting to hear the rest of the story from the people I meet in my office. Frequently what I’ve heard from a couple doesn’t fit with what I perceive when I’m with them in the session. I can see the part they’ve shown me and told me, but I may have a sense there is more hiding in the bushes, obscured from view but present nonetheless. I’m aware of the rustlings among the leaves, so I press on, looking for clarity.

It was on one such day that I met alone with a wife who had told her husband she wanted a divorce. She had moved out, but no lawyers had been involved in their saga, not yet anyway. I had met with the couple several times before suggesting this session alone with her. My main purpose was to find out what it was that made her question her desire to continue in the marriage. As we started, I purposely asked her a vague question about her disillusionment with her relationship so she would have the freedom to respond as she wished.Continue reading